Pain and Gain

They say that truth can be stranger than fiction. Never has this been more true than this Floridian story by master of non-fiction Michael Bay. He brought us the most accurate account of the bombing of Pearl Harbor, chronicled one man's heroic escape from Alcatraz, followed NASA's destruction of a cataclysmic global-killing asteroid, and most recently brought to light that Chernobyl and the Moon landing were both cover-ups for a giant sentient robot takeover. This is equally important. Three bodybuilders get involved in kidnapping, extortion, racketeering, and murder.

Now he takes us back in time to 1995. Miami, Florida. Incidentally, isn't it uncanny how all the truly good American stories come out of Florida? Someone should create a show and just call if "Florida". The material writes itself daily. Anyhow, fitness buff and personal trainer Danny Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is tired of living a meager and invisible existence. He wants to be a "doer" and not a "don'ter". He sees the wealthy come in and out of his gym all the time, and he wants to be rich, like them. The only problem is that he isn't too bright, and doesn't want to work for it. Enter Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson) and Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie). The three stooges hatch a get-rich-quick scheme that takes the audience on a true calamitous caper ride.

Pain and Gain is something different from your typical blockbuster, and that's what makes it fun. It's driven more by the story and the are you f*#king kidding me sequences (there's even a perfectly timed "This is still based on a true story" disclaimer midway through) than most films. Wahlberg, Johnson, and Mackie have major screen presence, and throw in Tony Shalhoub and Ed Harris, and you have a great cast of actors. Michael Bay makes Miami look like the sunny, 24/7 strip club and cigarette boat lifestyle that I'm sure it is, but it also makes you dubious of the class divide, in which our three bodybuilding criminal geniuses clearly illustrate through their squalor. Throughout the violence and bad karma that befalls pretty much everyone, the one constant is the tone of the film. Give Bay credit for that. It starts out hard, fast, hot, and funny, and it continues spiraling like that for over two hours. Like water down a drain.

This project must have been fun for the three main stars, learning that they need to portray bodybuilders to prepare for their next role. Wahlberg has always been a pretty big guy, and Johnson has gotten larger than ever over the past couple of years, but Mackie is a surprise. He's always been in good shape, but stepped it up for this role. He's the guy you recognize, but aren't quite sure where from. Million Dollar Baby, The Hurt Locker, Notorious, Adjustment Bureau, Real Steel, and Gangster Squad all showed some of his talents. He's got a big year coming up, starring in Runner, Runner with Ben Affleck, and he'll be The Falcon in Captain America 2, and The Avengers 2. He was given some of the better lines, and was paired up with Rebel Wilson to form a pretty fun couple.

Dwayne Johnson has his hands in everything these days. Just a few weeks after GI Joe 2 opened, and a few weeks before Fast and Furious 6, his big screen presence is everywhere. He is truly the current American action star. Couple that with his return to the WWE, and he's everywhere. Playing an ex-con bodybuilder who is a born again Christian, and a recovering alcoholic/drug addict is right in his wheelhouse. He's got the charisma and talent to play just about any role, but he's being overexposed and typecast too much right now. He probably is fine with it, as he's pulling in millions with each project, but considering he's going to be Hercules, and Sinbad (Arabian Nights) in the next couple of years, I'm looking forward to seeing something more substantial than just another action film. Maybe I'm impatient, but he is a legitimate actor, he just needs a role or two to show it.

Mark Wahlberg is excellent as usual. Whether it was intentional or not, his character began to darken over the course of the film in a noticeable fashion. He was a happy, courteous personal trainer with a dream and he devolved into a psychopathic monster by the end. He never seemed to lose his innocent charm along the way though. This isn't a brilliant criminal mind, just a case of greed and opportunity consuming his life.

The other standouts are Tony Shalhoub as the victim who doesn't garner much sympathy, and Ed Harris as the retired investigator whose suspicion and curiosity eventually cracks the case. Rob Corddry, Ken Jeong, and Peter Stormare show up to add some comedy, but all in all, it's every Michael Bay movie you've ever seen. Slow motion action shots, powerful music, beautiful women in bikinis, manipulated lighting, and fast cars.

Pain and Gain is a really fun movie. Then again, every Michael Bay movie is fun. I'll admit it, I liked all three Transformers. I liked Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, The Rock, Bad Boys One and Two, even The Island. There, I've said it. It won't win any awards, and could have been made by virtually any director as this story is a goldmine of non-fiction, but that doesn't necessarily negate its positive qualities. It was written by Pete Collins and published in three parts in the Miami New Times back in 1999, and was kicked around for a few years before Bay picked it up. Here's hoping that more absurd Florida stories are brought to the big screen. And that Michael Bay continues to entertain us. Admit it, you appreciate his artistic contributions... 7/10.