G.I. Joe: Retaliation

I went and saw a sneak preview of this last Tuesday in 3D, and have been percolating my response for a few days now. I absolutely loved everything GI Joe when I was a kid. It was the early to mid 80's, and at its height of 2nd generation popularity. I had most of the action figures, and would even save up my $3.00 every couple of weeks to get a new action figure. I would study the profile on the back, and even mix and match the backpacks and weapons of my figures. I wasn't quite as bold as some of my friends to mix and match body parts, but that's just weird and obsessive.

The second Joe flick takes a new, more conservative approach to the special effects and technology and follows a new protagonist, Roadblock (The Rock) as he tries to salvage a decimated GI Joe unit and take on a group of Cobra who've infiltrated the White House. Pretty ambitious, but it's not completely absurd. It sticks with the tone of the first film, and has a fresh director in Jon Chu. He's been heavy in the Step Up franchise and other song/dance projects. This is his first foray into action however.

The rumor I had heard was that the reason the film's release date was pushed back a year was because of the monster success of a year that Channing Tatum had in 2012. Three legitimate hits in three distinct genres was enough and they needed to drag out his 15 minutes. The fact that the script killed him off after just a few scenes had to be aborted and he had to play a more prominent role in the film to cash in on his star status. Right? Wrong. There was no rewrite, and he was in fact killed off, just like the previews intimate. I found this a bit puzzling, but rewriting/reshooting after production has to be a huge pain in the butt; specifically the wallet.

The Rock handles the spotlight as a hulked out action star with grace. He is the second coming of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, and he was born to be an actor. He has intelligence and charm that matches his physical prowess. He's a great Roadblock. The other characters used are Flint (DJ Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Storm Shadow (Byung-Hun Lee), because everyone loves the ninjas, and Cobra Commander (Not Joseph Gordon-Levitt), Zartan (Arnold Vosloo), and Firefly (Ray Stevenson) as the antagonists. Jonathan Pryce plays the President/Zartan in disguise, and does a nice job in his Jekyl/Hyde role. Walton Goggins and Bruce Willis add some much needed humor, so as you can tell, it's the ensemble that really makes it work. That's where the first Joe got off track; and sorry ladies, but there was too much Tatum, and far too much Marlon Wayans (I still don't know why they cast him as Ripcord).

The real golden nugget is the bromance between Roadblock and Duke. They would make an outstanding buddy comedy duo, one which I'm sure has been discussed. Unfortunately, the film dies with Duke, and the only thing redeeming is the action; particularly the ninja fighting and futuristic weaponry.

There is a third G.I. Joe in the works after the sequel outperformed the original at the box office substantially. Look for The Rock to reprise his role for a significant payday, and expect Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow to make an appearance as they are clearly (and were for me) the most popular characters of the franchise. Much like Transformers, Hasbro has a goldmine of characters to create on screen, and they would be smart to roll them out slowly, but intentionally. As for the director, I think he could easily be replaced, but will probably be brought back as long as money is being made.

When it comes to films like G.I. Joe or Transformers, it is surprising to me how shallow and how little attention is paid to the story. You would think that with hundreds of millions of dollars riding on audience approval, they would go with more than just a few explosive scenes. Who knows, maybe this is ultimately what the masses truly want. For my money, I would love to see a few extra million spent on one of the A-list screenwriters. The budget is already $150 million or so, and it's going to make over $500 million by the time its theatrical run ends. What's another $10 million? Get Chris Nolan or Paul Haggis on the job. See what Paul Thomas Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, or the Coen brothers can come up with. Get the Wachowskis, Todd Field, William Monahan, Darren Aronofsky or Charlie Kaufman. Aaron Sorkin or Stephen Gaghan. Maybe even Diablo Cody or David Goyer. You get the point. I want them to mix things up instead of Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, who to this point have basically only done Zombieland.

I saw it in 3D, and don't waste your time or money. It's just not worth it. This film is one best saved for a Saturday night on DVD. You'll be sucked in by the Tatum/Rock relationship, and left unsatisfied (except for Palicki's wardrobe, that's impressive). Fun film for the action figure fan, but ultimately disappointing and off the mark. 6/10.