Justice League

You simply can’t be disappointed when you know the movie will be awful. It’s like going to a Michael Bay movie; it’s a car accident that you just can’t look away from, as captivating as it is tragic. There is an expectation of a big budget dumpster fire with each DC Comic endeavor, which is why “Wonder Woman” was such a refreshing experience this past summer. Somebody call Christopher Nolan, stat!

Picking up where the abysmal “Batman v Superman” left off, we find ourselves in a world devoid of Superman’s integrity and symbolic goodness. The globe is mourning in their own ways, and Gotham, Metropolis, and all the other megalopolises are fearful of an attack by something sinister and ominous. Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) senses this as well, and attempts to assemble his team. Aquaman (Jason Momoa), Flash (Ezra Miller), Cyborg (Ray Fisher), and Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) all see the value in working together as the formidable Steppenwolf (Ciaran Hinds) is bent on the destruction of the Earth with the help of his insectile parademons. As they face off, they quickly realize that they need something stronger to defeat him, and you can guess where this goes from there.

Written by Joss Whedon (“Toy Story,” “Avengers”) and Chris Terrio (“Argo,” “Batman v Superman”), the film seems an awful lot like a joke. A cartoon episode with a $300 million budget and absolutely no intention of telling any sort of lasting story. The one liners zing, the comic relief (Flash) is ineffective, Wonder Woman is eye candy, and Aquaman is a gruff surfer dude who can fly? Batman is getting too old for this stuff, and the only character with any depth is Cyborg, but he’s not given sufficient explanation in the first place. My favorite part is actually the inevitable appearance of he who shall not be named for spoiler’s sake (Henry Cavill), and he definitely upstages everyone else in the film. He finally gets his cinematic due in terms of his unstoppable speed, strength, heat vision, icy cold breath, and indestructible façade. Wait, did I just spoil something?

Director Zak Snyder, who has a monogamous relationship with Warner Bros. and has perhaps more influence over the DC universe than he should, left the project abruptly after a family tragedy, and Joss Whedon was ushered in to finish shooting and handle post-production. This gave me hope for something that might bring out some of the positive characteristics of each of the players and lighten the mood of the story, but it did not. I don’t see his contributions very clearly.

The post-credit scene offers a sliver of hope for the future of the DC universe, but I for one am not optimistic. “Wonder Woman 2” is in jeopardy with Gal Gadot’s holdout over Brett Ratner’s shady past, and 2018’s “Aquaman” has no hope if Momoa’s character is involved (he is). We need one of two things; fresh meat or a dark side. My feeling is that the dark side is where the potential lies.

Basically I felt like I was watching two hours of movie previews on an endless loop. The dialogue had no continuity, the narrative had no complexity or emotion, and the justice league themselves had no discernable cohesion. Even the bad guy himself was cliché and boring. The film lacked purpose. I can see this as a bridge to further things, but I hope that includes a less caffeinated approach to the next several films. Personally, I’d like to see an exploration of more characters and see which ones stick; Martian Manhunter, Hawkman and Hawkgirl, give Green Lantern another shot, and would someone please give Robin a little love? I’m glad to see Cyborg in the mix, but my hunch is that they felt a need to add some diversity with the otherwise all-white team. The “boo-ya” at the end was a tad unnecessary.

What they should have done, besides asking for my input before creating this monstrosity, was introduce each of the characters in their stand-alone films prior to dropping the justice league on us. It’s just too much too soon. The franchise will make money either way, but let’s be honest, DC is no Marvel. They can gauge the individual characters’ popularity and choose their team that way. Because frankly, people will go to superhero films regardless.

It wasn’t all bad. Familiar blends of musical scores, fantastic visual effects, and the hope of something better in the future. Always the hope of something better in the future. Screenwriting guys, invest in your screenwriting. 4/10.

Murder on the Orient Express

Agatha Christie’s world-renowned detective, Hercule Poirot, is given the Hollywood treatment in the remake of the 1934 classic whodunit leaving the viewer with one simple question at the end; “is it real?” And of course I am referring to Kenneth Branagh’s monolithic moustache. It just might be the finest in the history of film. The narrative that follows the super sleuth’s soup strainer? Not quite as captivating.

Poirot (Kenneth Branagh) finds himself on board the Orient Express with a collection of eclectic strangers; a governess (Daisy Ridley), a gangster (Johnny Depp), a doctor (Leslie Odom, Jr.), a professor (Willem Dafoe), a desperately single divorcee (Michelle Pfeiffer), and a handful of others. All is calm on the picturesque journey through the Carpathians until terror strikes in the middle of the night, finding one of the passengers brutally stabbed to death. Only the brilliant and eccentric Poirot can solve the case before the strangers disembark and disappear forever at their various exotic European destinations.

It’s no surprise that Branagh took on this project to star and direct. Long a classically trained Shakespearean actor, he’s been dipping his toes in other genres over the past several years, and after breaking ranks to make 2011’s “Thor,” he followed up with “Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit” in 2014 and “Cinderella” in 2015. He’s returning to his wheelhouse, and although not a spectacular effort or performance, it is a perfect fit for him to take on classic Agatha Christie. I would expect that if the film has modest box office success, we could be in store for a new cinematic franchise character (there are thirty-three novels and fifty short stories to choose from).

Nostalgic if nothing else, the film is a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s night. The story is familiar and the characters are predictable and shallow. Set in the 1930’s, everyone is chic and dapper, and facial hair is all the rage. There is the buildup of a big plot twist, which is the whole tagline; “everyone is a suspect,” but it isn’t particularly cunning or satisfying in the least.
At times the film was a bit of a snooze-fest, with such a claustrophobic setting that it was difficult to stay alert and proactively follow the action; three train cars and an engine does not allow a lot of room for movement, so there just isn’t a lot of change in scenery. There is however a genuine attempt to showcase the beauty and the cold of the mountains at times, and I commend Branagh for his work in the opening scene in Jerusalem; a Rabbi, a Priest, and an Iman walk into a room. Hercule Poirot delivers the punchline in astonishing case-cracking fashion.

The screenplay was written by the feverishly busy Michael Green (“Logan,” “Alien: Covenant,” “Blade Runner: 2049”) and was likely penned in a matter of hours after consulting the original novel and updating some narrative elements. The dialogue is not as sharp as I would have liked considering the cast. There was genuine opportunity for Johnny Depp to play a character in a way he’s never done before, but the potential was squandered terribly. Branagh stood out as the only actor who didn’t look like he was playing a role on stage, and that was a bit of a shame.

“Murder on the Orient Express” isn’t a terrible film, but it is remarkably mediocre. It may be even more disappointing if you are an Agatha Christie fan, and already know the twist at the end. There will however, always be something fun about a murder mystery on a train, and you can do worse than Istanbul to Budapest in the 1930’s. 6/10.

Thor: Ragnarok

According to Norse mythology, Ragnarok was the end of days. Fortunately, Norse mythology also has Thor. Aside from Robert Downey Jr., Chris Hemsworth just might be the best-cast character of the whole Avengers lot. He’s handsome, masculine, humorous, and gives Thor an arrogance that is surprisingly endearing and admirable. Fitting that the God of thunder is tasked with saving the universe from Ragnarok.

Moving toward the the epic Infinity War narrative, we find ourselves following Thor’s journeys via the Bifrost throughout the extra-terrestrial realms from Asgaard, to the Norse equivalent of hell, and a strange trash planet run by a perfectly-cast oddball named The Grandmaster (Jeff Goldblum) where time and space seem to defy all laws of nature. As Ragnarok approaches, the Goddess of death, Hela (Cate Blanchett) has returned to Asgaard to reclaim her rightful place on the throne, and Thor must enlist the help of his faithful friends (not those ones) to defeat her. Loki (Tom Hiddleston), Heimdall (Idris Elba), Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), and newcomer Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) band together to form Avengers-lite, but it works

Hulk and Thor were noticeably missing from the “Captain America: Civil War” story in 2016, and this film explains their absence. The change in venue on the heels of “Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2” and “Doctor Strange” sets the table for next spring’s “Avengers: Infinity War” which will surely and easily become the highest grossing film of all time (until “Avatar 2” comes out). With a rumored budget of nearly a billion dollars for the film and its sequel, it’s a massive risk with even greater reward potential. The Marvel Comics extended universe (MCEU) has moved to outer space and other dimensions, and the strong characters established on Earth are now doing epic battles in a rich and appetizing visual-effects setting. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again; Kevin Feige is brilliantly running Marvel Studios.

Sadly, the greatest superhero sidekick in the Marvel universe dies just minutes into the film. Mjolnir, Thor’s mystical hammer made from the magical metal from a dying star (or something like that) is crushed like a bug, leaving me feeling a bit sad and nostalgic. Thor is left with nothing but his chiseled physique, and ruggedly handsome good looks but like Spider-Man and his suit earlier this year, Thor learns that his true power is not due to his accessories, but instead come from within. He is a god after all.

Director Taika Waititi was an odd choice because of his lack of big-budget experience, but he does a fantastic job, particularly with the pacing. The film is long at over two hours, but moves quickly through upbeat music, several visually satiating fight scenes, and some very clever and humorous dialogue. The tone is definitely lighter than some of the other Marvel films, which seems to be one of two deliberately established directions. I would imagine that the next film in line, “Black Panther,” will offer a more serious approach, the serious yin to the comedic yang if you will.

“Thor: Ragnarok” has massive appeal for several reasons, the least of which is that it’s Marvel. It is very funny. Perhaps the funniest of the films yet, but that notion doesn’t diminish the value of the action one bit. Hemsworth is fantastic as usual, but he seems to embrace and master his character in a way that has been missing from his previous appearances; he is tremendous. Then, there’s the Hulk. A fan favorite for certain, he is showcased in all his green glory, even being given consistently hilarious one-liners throughout.

It’s been a few weeks (months?) since there has been a family-friendly action film that I would highly recommend to the masses, but it’s finally arrived. By Odin’s beard, you should definitely see “Thor: Ragnarok.” 9/10.