San Andreas

It's been awhile since there was a good disaster movie. And we're still waiting. San Andreas reeks of Roland Emmerich, but surprisingly, it's directed by kids movie sequel star Brad Peyton (Cats and Dogs 2, Journey 2). It's written by TV veteran Carlton Cuse (Bates Motel, Lost, Nash Bridges) and their lack of cinematic blockbuster experience is very clear.

Let me give you a rundown of the plot. Action scene proving our protagonist is a hero with a big heart and sharp wit. Dysfunctional family dynamics, but the love is still there. Crazy genius scientist who nobody listens to, who has a breakthrough in his research at the perfect time. Shady millionaire stepfather. Insanely gorgeous daughter leaving home for college. Hero is forced to choose his family over his job (which happens to be helicopter rescue). Millions of people die and we don't really care, because it's all about the main characters. The hero is forced to relive and overcome a past tragedy, and an American flag is unfurled at the end to signify the strength of the survivors. Come on.

A massive earthquake on the San Andreas fault is inevitable, and even perhaps overdue, but I just didn't have the feeling of satisfaction from this film that I did from, say, Independence Day. Alien invasions are cool because they aren't realistic. It's the way that zombies are fun and exciting because it could never really happen. A realistic disaster film is a bit more uncomfortable.

Why can't we have a disaster movie in North Korea, or Afghanistan? I would pay to see the Taliban, or Al Qaeda, or ISIS get devastated by an earthquake or a tsunami, or global warming, or even a giant mutant lizard. Then we could send in the Marines disguised as the Red Cross. My point is, disaster movies are thrilling, but I think there has been a desensitization effect where we see countless innocent people killed in frightening and perilous ways and it just isn't striking a nerve anymore. The movies justify the carnage as long as our hero is able to save his wife and daughter, because after all, his family is what counts. But the greater issue for me is that it just isn't shocking anymore, and I think that's starting to bother me a little bit.

Taking cues from Cliffhanger and Roland Emmerich (if you didn't catch the reference earlier, he's behind Independence Day, Godzilla, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, The Patriot, White House Down - he's basically the Steven Spielberg of disaster films), San Andreas lacks so much originality that it's almost unable to enjoy. Almost.

The Rock, who now goes by his birth name, Dwayne Johnson, shines as our protagonist. He is a full-blown action star who rocks everything he does. His character isn't given enough depth to screw it up anyway, so flex those muscles and flash that million-dollar grin (or $150,000,000 but who's counting). Loving dad, good guy, still in love with his impending ex-wife. He's a true blue-blooded hero with his football and wrestling pedigree and that works for the character. And his physique is ridiculous. He's what Arnold Schwarzenegger would have been in the 80's and 90's if he didn't have that damn Austrian accent (and Arnold did just fine for himself). He is the popcorn blockbuster action star of today, hands down. He's rumored to be Jack Burton in the reboot of Big Trouble in Little China, and that might be a brilliant future cult classic if they do it right. I'm very curious as the original holds a special place in my 9 year old heart.

The only other enjoyable part of San Andreas is the rising starlet, Alexandra Daddario. She's almost too good looking to be in movies in my opinion. It might be her eyes, or her body, but for a 29 year old to be playing a 43 year old's 18-year old daughter, that's impressive, even by Hollywood standards. She slowly loses articles of clothing over the course of the film, which was likely intentional and highly effective. Since her brief appearance in True Detective, she had graduated from playing a teen to an adult. It's a bit weird that she regressed, but she'll be around for awhile. Hopefully playing some more mature roles.

The rest of the cast is average at best. Paul Giamatti in an overdone performance, Carla Gugino and Ioan Gruffud make background noise as the other two pieces of the love triangle. The film isn't terrible, but it is massively formulaic. Being one step ahead of the story is never satisfying, even when the special effects are pretty cool. I guess I am just tired of seeing major landmarks destroyed and lives tossed away left and right. The film isn't supposed to be about eye candy and predictability, it's supposed to be about disaster and overcoming the odds. I just wish more of the characters overcame those odds. Skip this one. It's the kind of movie that would be great to stumble across late at night on HBO to battle insomnia. 5/10.