Transformers: Age of Extinction

With an ominous moniker, Transformers 4 takes the same formula as its 3 predecessors, mixes it up a bit with some new actors and robots, and serves it to audiences in a jumbo-sized container of summer popcorn action blockbuster. Unfortunately, it just doesn't have the same excitement as the previous 3 (the first one at least). This is an interesting franchise. Even Michael Bay has publicly stated that he doesn't care what people think of the movies because he knows they will see them anyway. That sentiment comes across in the latest installment. Sloppy direction, incoherent plot lines, shallow and cliche characters, and worst of all, a truly deflated story. Written by Ehren Kruger, I would expect a bit more. I loved his work on Arlington Road and The Ring, but since taking the primary screenwriting role on the Transformers series, he hasn't impressed me despite a gargantuan budget, arguably the best special effects director in the game, and a fan base that proves Bay right, we will see the movie no matter what. It seems like a no-brainer opportunity to do something epic. He does not. He's already working on Transformers 5, and it's a shame. I'd like to see some new blood behind the franchise.

Set a few years after the Dark of the Moon blowout that devastated Chicago, now there is a new Black-Ops team of humans led by a perfectly cast Kelsey Grammer, and they call themselves Cemetary Wind. I would expect nothing less from Michael Bay. I was half expecting Will Smith and Martin Lawrence to get out of a car in slow motion and take their sunglasses off, but we'll have to wait a bit for Bad Boys 3. This shadowy government agency has found a way to not only find, but also defeat any and all Transformers that are still hiding out on Earth. Need I say more? What humans could beat a transforming robot? So, they are hunting and exterminating Autobots and Decepticons alike, using a pretty cool bounty hunter named Lockdown who is helping them until he gets his hands on the prize; Optimus Prime.

Meanwhile, the story gets boring as we're introduced to the new Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox, who this time are a father/daughter duo played by Mark Wahlberg and Nicola Peltz (fun fact - she's only 19 and her dad's a billionaire courtesy of Snapple). They never gain traction or believability in their characters, and it left me just waiting for the special effects to start. Mark Wahlberg can't play a scientist or a Texan (except in Lone Survivor) and the daisy dukes, heels, and tank tops although fun to look at, aren't typical of teens anywhere outside of Michael Bay's fantasy world. It was like Michael Bay took all of the pensive gazes toward the sunset from Armageddon, The Rock, Pearl Harbor, and Bad Boys and rolled them all together into a long sequence that doesn't really have a place in the film. In case you haven't noticed, the 2 hours 45 minutes is way too long.

Cemetary Wind discovers that Wahlberg has found Optimus Prime and tries to get him to appease Lockdown by turning him over to him. Throw in a shady corporate businessman, a few battle scenes, yada yada yada, international travel to a hip film consuming locale (China), Dinobots (out of pretty much nowhere), and roll credits with another Linkin Park song.

The thing about Michael Bay movies is that there are supposed to be cool explosions, improbable situations that require very elaborate chases or escapes, and the special effects are supposed to be top notch. I felt the way I did while watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The effects were so much more sloppy and cheap than the previous film in the series, I truly felt cheated. The production team must be getting tired, which makes me wonder why they are working on a 5th film (oh, right, $300 million opening weekend worldwide).

I think I've said my piece about the direction. The acting, although not unexpected for an action film, was a bit disappointing. No fault of their own, it's the dialogue and characters created by the writing team. Kelsey Grammer, Stanley Tucci, and Titus Welliver are really the only respectable players in the whole film. Everyone else is just expected to make magic out of a turd. We do get treated to some new voice talent in John Goodman and Ken Watanabe (an attempt to bridge the Asian market? Definitely paying off as T4 is the biggest opening in China's history). And yes, I know Ken Watanabe is Japanese. You can't mistake that in the film either as his character, Drift is a samurai when he's not a Bugatti.

I still love Transformers. And despite this one (and the previous 2...), Michael Bay is right, as long as these movies keep coming out, I will keep seeing them. Damn you, Michael Bay! I don't suppose I ever tire of the summer blockbuster season, and the bar is clearly being raised each and every year. I've griped before about the lack of originality in popcorn flicks, and this summer seems to be a bit weak (Planet of the Apes, Guardians of the Galaxy, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Expendables 3 being really the only ones left). There will be some good entertainment this summer though as the Indy films make a bit of a stronger than normal showing. Maybe that's the big studio entrance into the Independent Film market a little stronger, or maybe there is just a void of quality films to fill the summer weekend slots. Whatever it is, you know you will probably see Transformers 4, but if you do, prepare for disappointment. 4/10.