Fast & Furious 6

Vin Diesel is awful. Just plain awful. His voice is distinctly English, but he still babbles incoherently like Stallone or Schwarzenegger in their primes. Fortunately for him, he has big muscles. Not quite Dwayne Johnson big though. That man's bicep vein is bigger than my arm. He gets swollen and sweaty again for the sixth outing of the massively successful franchise that just keeps coming (and will continue with Fast 7, but we'll talk about that later).

What is it about a film with a questionable cast (Diesel, Walker, Rodriguez, Ludacris, Tyrese...) that brings in audiences in droves? ($120 million opening day weekend, and a 7.8 star rating on IMDB) My answer is simple. Fast cars, hot women, unbelievable story, and just plain high octane action. The film barely slows down to breathe between chases, and when it does, you are forgiving of the story because the car chases are so cool. This time around there's a master criminal who is threatening to destroy the world, and the only thing standing between him and total global domination is Vin Diesel in a muscle car and a tank top. Are you kidding me? There are so many plot holes and ridiculous character moves that it makes Steven Seagal movies look like documentaries. OK, not quite, but you get the point. The story is terrible. But it's just so much fun!

Maybe it's the cast that makes this bearable, or maybe it's the tone. It's definitely the car chases and the nonsensical James Bond villain wannabe bad guy. Played by Luke Evans, he is a Welsh with a mustache who never quite sells himself as a criminal mastermind. In fact, if not for the sweet indy-car, there wouldn't be anything cool about him at all. He's just kind of a dud in the role. I was ever waiting for him to be ruthless and cold, but he was all bark. He's swarthy and has an accent, perfect fit for . Otherwise he's very average. He kind of looks like a darker-haired James McAvoy if he was a bit more mysterious. His name will come to the forefront in the next couple of years though as he plays Bard the Bowman in the next two Hobbit films. Anyway, this was a role he could have passed on if not for the paycheck.

This is the Summer of the Rock. Three films (GI Joe, Pain & Gain, F&F 6)and he manages to wear too-tight Underarmour shirts in two of them. Well done, Dwayne. Well done. He has a great personality, and enormous arms, but I worry he's going to collapse under all that weight on his upper body. Dwayne is the prototypical action star, but he's sort of overexposing himself right now. Doing too many movies with the same archetype. He's got the tools of a great thespian, but I'm afraid he'll never be able to escape his physical presence. Is it any wonder Arnold Schwarzenegger never got an Oscar nomination? OK, bad example. Dwayne has potential to be a very high caliber actor, but he'll never be seen as anything other than a hero (his TV show titled Hero doesn't help that) as long as he doesn't branch out. He's got the money. He's done the action star thing. He's gotten his foot in the producer door. I would love for him to do a bit more comedy and then step into some more obscure independent films. Try some serious drama for a change. Call me crazy, but I think he's got the chops for it.

Paul Walker has been in show business since he was 13. He's a poor man's Ricky Schroeder or Mark-Paul Gosselaar, but F&F has been his bread and butter. He's been in 5 of the FF films, and isn't slowing down. Would it depress you to know his films have grossed over a billion dollars? Me too. I suppose I'm accepting his acting ability, and he's not as annoying as in past films. He's getting better with age, but he's still far from good. He is forever going to be linked to this franchise, but I don't think he's upset about that. Watching him act is like watching what you think would be the gag reel from any other film. Imagine Burt Reynolds outtakes from Smokey and the Bandit. I imagine Walker has the same effect on the crew.

The rest of the cast is attractive women and Michelle Rodriguez. Gina Carano joins the team for the first time, and gets to use her MMA skills in lots of girl fights. Mostly with Michelle Rodriguez. The fighting is impressive, but the acting is amateur. Much like 2011's Haywire showcased her physical talents much more than her acting, so does FF6. Good for her for making the transition though. I'd love to see her stick with it and have a long and successful career. Michelle Rodriguez just annoys me. I blame her for Avatar losing the Best Picture Oscar. OK, that's a bit harsh, but she does nothing for the credibility of the craft. Other than the two of them, we have Jordana Brewster, one of the most naturally beautiful women on the planet (and I almost met her once), Thor's real life wife, Elsa Pataky, and Gal Gadot who is actually a pretty decent actress despite being on screen for the sole purpose of eye candy. It's a fun movie and I'm sure the whole cast enjoys making these films.

Justin Lin directs his fourth FF film, and this one is definitely the best. I imagine you are wondering how I can flip a 180 in my assessment. It's easy. This film was pretty fun despite the aforementioned flaws. Sure, Rodriguez and Diesel are ridiculous, and Paul Walker is a joke, but the cars go really fast. Lots of stuff blows up. The movie moves really fast. We aren't forced to invest time into characters or sub-plots. Lin jumps right into the action and I really appreciate him for that. He's going to be around for a while, and it's not just because of the money he's going to make for Universal (and has already). He's a solid director, even if he's done this franchise 4 times. It might take him a few more action films to get into something serious, but he is definitely one of the young guns (under 40).

A pleasant surprise is the teaser of the next film. Jason Statham shows up just before the credits role, and it creates a very interesting prospect. He will be the slain-brother-revenge-seeking villain in F7 (I'm trademarking it now). Should be a fun ride if they get the Rock and Vin back on board, and I'm sure Paul Walker doesn't have any prior engagements. My guess is that there will be another film or two before audiences grow tired, but until they do...8/10.