Ten Worst Films of All Time

A lot of things make a film bad. There's the acting, the story, the special effects, even the direction or editing. Mostly though, there is a magic that fills the screen and you just know that you're in the presence of something special. I have had the displeasure of seeing two such movies recently, which has inspired me to reflect on my long and distinguished list of cinematic treasures in my chest, and pull out the stinkiest ones I can think of. a lot of lists have been made, and there are plenty of films that perhaps deserve to be on this list. Not at all inclusive, here are the ten that I came up with in no particular order.

The Room.

A personal favorite from the pantheon of awful. The Room is written, directed, and stars the indescribably odd Tommy Wiseau. A man who seems to be into bodybuilding and has what could either be a Eastern European accent, or some sort of Bells Palsy side effect, he created a gem. Bad story? Check. Horrendous acting? Check. Nonsensical scenes? Check. Memorable lines? Check. It has everything a movie needs to be on this list. It's so bad, I own it. That's right, and Tommy Wiseau himself sent me the movie with an autographed message on the DVD case. Jealous?

Superman III.

I found this one on Encore a couple of weeks ago and thought "I vaguely remember this one, but I need a refresher." Fast forward two hours, and to my surprise, this is my current worst film of all time. Gene Hackman is brilliant for passing, and Richard Pryor is clearly working for a paycheck and nothing more. The opening credits sequence will probably remain the champion of regret for everyone involved in the film until the day they die. It's just confusing and offensive. The film also makes a strong case for the most laughable misunderstanding of the capabilities of computer technology of all time. Excusable since it was 1983, but nonetheless, terrible. Also worth watching for the experience.

Premium Rush.

I recently saw this in the theatre and almost walked out. I wrote a review a few weeks back, but as it marinades in my memory, it gets worse and worse. Dialogue, characters, absurdity, and a bike messenger flash mob. It's just plain bad. Gordon-Levitt lost some points in my book.

Flash Gordon.

Recently brought back from obscurity by Seth MacFarlane, Flash Gordon is 80's sci-fi action at its worst. Max Von Sydow plays a Chinese wizard or something, and Queen provides the soundtrack. Could it get any worse?

Leonard Part 6.

When I was 9 years old, I was one of the hundred or so people who saw this film. I remember thinking, "I don't recall the first five movies." And since then, until I did a little research, I hadn't thought about this Bill Cosby project at all. He plays an aging secret agent, and beyond that, all I remember are bad jokes and a bad fitting high tech suit. To clarify, there are no parts 1-5.

Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie.

I am not too proud to admit I bought Garbage Pail Kids. It was between the ages of 7 and 10, and they had funny names, like Adam Bomb, or Potty Scotty, or Acne Amy. They were truly offensive, but for a kid, were hilarious. The film on the other hand was absolutely frightening. The creatures were played by people in suits, and their inflated heads and creepy movements would scar any child. Nevermind that it was a bad idea in the first place, this film was unintentionally and inexcusably horrendous.

Battlefield: Earth.

How can anything Scientology be taken seriously? With the exception of the upcoming Paul Thomas Anderson film which "isn't about L. Ron Hubbard!", the entire cult is a joke. This film was John Travolta's baby, and lost a load of money and remains one of the worst film in my book. I don't often share my religious beliefs or pass judgment on others, but Scientology is insanity.

Superbabies 2.

The only thing worse than a movie about talking babies is a sequel to a movie about talking babies. A poorly made sequel. Ridiculous. This is another film that's worth watching if you want pure entertainment of the bad variety. To clarify, no talking baby movie has ever been good.

Plan 9 From Outer Space.

This is a special film for a few reasons: Ed Wood, sci-fi from the 50's, and an appearance in MST3K, one of the best shows to lampoon bad movies. I would love to see MST3K make a resurrection and do some work on some more modern films, but I'm sure there would be copyright infringement and hurt feelings among studios. The idea is genius, and a man can dream, can't he?

Joe Versus the Volcano.

Even as a young movie critic, people would ask me about the worst film I'd ever seen, and for the longest time, this Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan film would be my answer. It's just plain bad. Meg Ryan takes on dual roles, and Tom Hanks is a depressed man who finds himself involved in an adventure to stop the appeasement of an angry volcano and save the woman he loves. This film holds a special place in my heart, and will always be on my worst films list.

There you have it, there are hundreds of other films out there, but these are ten of my worst films of all time.