Top 5 Movie Mustaches of All-Time

Disclaimer: This poll is in no way associated with the American Mustache Institute.

In honor of No-Shave-November, I thought I would come up with the top 5 lip ticklers of all time. These hair snakes are as iconic as they are timeless. Veritable screen legends themselves, these five soup strainers, or cookie dusters top the list, although there are some quite impressive competitors in this nose mane list. Without further ado, here they are.


Brolin's stache in No Country for Old Men is the logical choice over his other championship caliber entries from American Gangster and Planet Terror. 2007 was a great year for this facial hair farmer.



Jason Patric from Narc is probably the coolest Fu Manchu in recent movie history. It probably helps that he is a Narcotics Detective with a past drug problem. Classic film facial ornamentation.



Burt. Need I say more? The hair bandit himself is probably more famous for his lady pleaser than his sub-par acting. Although Smokey and the Bandit may not be his greatest facial display, it is memorable nonetheless.



Who can think about mustaches without visualizing the gravelly-voiced Sam Elliott? Roadhouse, Tombstone, Big Lebowski. His nasal caterpillar is a staple of his craft, and although it is difficult to decide on the particular role, I have to go with Tombstone. Appropriate and classy, like the gentleman Elliott is.



The champion of the dustbuster is an upset. You would think Tom Selleck or Hulk Hogan? Perhaps Borat or Ron Burgandy? No. Although impressive in their own right, the winner is Daniel Day-Lewis. As brilliant as his acting, his facial concoctions dazzled audiences in both There Will be Blood as well as Gangs of New York. A huge fan of Lewis, I had to choose Gangs of New York on pure girth. The beautifully upturned handles with just a hint of wax are follically charged art. What makes his victory all the more impressive is that he does not sport the stache when he is not in character. A typically clean-shaven man, he has some of the best facial farming potential of any actor in his league.

I hope you enjoy, and I welcome your comments and disagreements.

The Men who Stare at Goats

No Goats, No Glory! This is the tagline for the story so ridiculous that it is probably mostly true which stars an all-star cast including Academy Award winners Kevin Spacey and George Clooney and 4-time Oscar nominee Jeff Bridges. Director Grant Heslov hits a home run with the confidence of his production team and backed by what is probably the best ensemble cast of the year. What originally seemed like an Oscar caliber idea quickly dissolves into a farcical attempt to satirize the competence of the US military.

Set to the perfectly complementary Boston, the story focuses on a reporter (McGregor) who stumbles on a story of psychic soldiers in the post-Vietnam Cold War era. After exploration, he tags along with the quirky Sergeant Cassaday (Clooney) who reveals the exploits of his black ops jedi warrior clan.

What makes the film difficult to take seriously is the absurdity associated with the psychic warfare angle. What eventually brings the viewer in is the endearing and intriguing demeanor and dedication of the men involved. You feel that their fight for success in winning the war on terror peacefully is validated after spending time with their characters.

Humor abounds in what is a snapshot of a piece of actual experimental military science. The final scenes prove how much a drop in the bucket this program probably was, and subconsciously causes a cynical outlook on the wasteful bureaucratic nature of government. To approve a program so completely beyond the realm of logical is simply typical.

My newest favorite actor, Stephen Lang, shows up as the Brigadier General who is in charge of the secret program, and seeing him on screen fuels my excitement for his role in Avatar, where I truly think he will be a dark horse supporting actor contender come March.

This film is as original as it is quirky, and I found myself sitting in a crowded theatre appreciating the humor more than any other viewer in the audience. Laughing out loud at inappropriate times just comes natural in this light-hearted romp.

Cleverly billed as a film that clearly doesn't take itself too seriously, goats although not a critical part of the plot do add a very astute symbolism to the film. An arbitrary creature that is hilarious (gut-busting prolonged camera shot of an innocent goat) as a way of demonstrating the tone.

George Clooney shows that he is capable of just about any role out there. His range is wider than any actor in the business today as will be evident in his Oscar win for Up in the Air later this year. The rest of the cast is strong and appropriate, and although critically panned (see EW's F grade) this film hits the target where it aims.

I probably liked it more than others, but I appreciate its originality and humor. Stephen Lang is entering a second phase of his career that will land him choice roles in the coming years much like Brolin's role in No Country for Old Men did for him. Definitely not great, but go see it for the absurdity. 6/10.

Couples Retreat

It seems that Hollywood is being taken over by powerful groups of friends. First it was Clooney, Pitt, Damon, and Soderbergh. Then it was Apatow, Rogan, Sandler, and Rudd. Now it is apparently Vaughn, Favreau, Bateman, and Billingsley. Do they have the staying power? Sadly, no. The buddy genre will continue, but the allure is sadly gone. Couples Retreat is exactly what it appears to be; a fun movie to make with a fairly intriguing theme. What shows up on screen is a somewhat banal comedy with some unnecessary plot points and character traits that only amuses at times, and when least expected.

The plot has many holes in it that makes this romantic comedy (for lack of a better categorical definition) shallow and flaky. Bateman is disappointing because he is given the role of the serious stiff of the group. He isn't given the opportunity to show his comedic chops and so he just comes off as annoying. Favreau is just plain despicable, as is his wife, Kristin Davis. Kristen Bell is cute, but unbelievable as a barren corporate tightwad. The only bright spots are the perky Malia Akerman and Vince Vaughn as the only couple without some major marriage issues. I haven't enjoyed Vaughn in years. It seems that his head gets bigger, and although he has brilliant natural comedic talent, he seems like a bit of a douche bag. He impressed me with his humble approach to the role and made some very well-timed deliveries on top of some of his usual loudmouth antics.

Good supporting roles are played by John Michael Higgins and Ken Jeong as therapists working on the island resort, working with the couples to try to guide them toward the path to recovery. Additionally, Carlos Ponce as the sexually charged yoga instructor, and Colin Baiocchi as the youngest of Vaughn's sons give the film the levity and humor that it is missing from start to finish.

The plot is predictable and weak, but what would you expect from a movie about couples in an island paradise; comedians and hot women. It is quite lackluster and predictable and The only saving point is that as the film comes to an end, it doesn't climax too soon. The ending passes without much fanfare, but it has its moments and isn't altogether awful.

I was expecting much more from a Jason Bateman film, but maybe I was expecting too much. He is too funny to be stifled by a lame character and boring dialogue. My prediction is that Colin Baiocchi will achieve child actor status of such industry legends as Haley Joel Osment and Jonathan Lipnicki. If you didn't sense the facetious tone, I will say that seriously he has potential.

Came for the comedy, left dissatisfied. Peter Billingsley is no Judd Apatow. 6/10.

A Serious Man

The Coen Brothers are back with their latest about a Jewish Minnesotan in the 1960's. Only the Coens can take something so mundane and banal and turn it into an enthralling study of a single man's decline into an abyss of guilt and anguish.

Larry is a middle aged man at a crossroads in his life. The cleverly cast Michael Stuhlbarg portrays the math and physics professor anticipating tenure when his personal life is pulled out from under him with typical detailed Coen subplots. He of course has no idea that things are going poorly, and is forced to cope with problem after problem. The supporting characters are all Jewish, save the subtle neo-nazi neighbor, and there is a heavy theme of a man lost, finding his place in the confined world of his own life.

A Serious Man hearkens back to a simple time, a very linear and basic plot, and although not a great film by any stretch, it is a bearable and interesting piece with notable nuances indicative of the unique genre that has spawned out of the Coen's minds. Actors with uncharacteristically pronounced flaws or idiosyncratic tendencies. Settings and props that are quirky enough to cause notice. Prolonged scenes and awkward yet brilliant conversations.

I will religiously watch anything that the Coens create. Ever since No Country, I am a believer that they are true trailblazers in cinema in the way that Tarantino/Rodriguez and Cameron are, but the Coens hit a more visceral nerve in the viewer. They take ownership of their work. Writing, directing, editing, they do it all from start to finish.

The little things make this film great. The nervous tick in Larry's eye. The Gary Cole in Office Space-esque tenure committee chairman. The phone conversation with the subscription music clearing house. The slow walk of the receptionist down and back from the rabbi's office. All of these details are the trademark of the Coen Brothers, and although not a classic in their library, it is well done, down to the ambiguous and dissatisfying ending.

This one may not receive much critical acclaim besides the writing. Of course, with 10 Best Picture nominees this year, I wouldn't count this film out. Probably the 4th best film I've seen so far this year (Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, the Informant) but there are a handful on the horizon that could easily knock it from its spot. Of course, it is the Coen Brothers...

I am looking forward to their next film, a 2010 remake of True Grit with Matt Damon, Josh Brolin and Jeff Bridges on board. They have been itching to tackle this project for some time and it looks like it will finally come to fruition. Like I said, they can do no wrong in my eyes, although I am disappointed that Cormac McCarthy's Blood Meridian fell from from Coens to Ridley Scott to Todd Field, and is taking so long to find it's way to the screen. It would have been gold (and probably still will be if ever shot).

The coming months are bringing only a handful of prospective Oscar candidates. For some reason it seems to be a down year for the Academy. Precious, Men who Stare at Goats, Up in the Air, the Road, the Messenger, Brothers, Nine, Invictus, Lovely Bones and Avatar are the only remaining films on my list, and many of those will certainly prove disappointing. My biggest disappointment is Shutter Island being pushed off to February. Oh well, Leo will have to wait for his Oscar another year.

A Serious Man: good, but not great. Definitely worth watching if you are a fan of the Coens. 8/10.

Paranormal Activity

Fight or Flight. This is the summary of the human condition in response to an adrenaline-inspiring external force. Let me begin by saying that this film is not all that it is hyped up to be. That said, it is extremely inventive and curious. For a film shot on a budget of $11,000, it will almost surely become one of the most profitable films of all time.

The premise is that two average people; a student and a day trader (convenient for the staying home all day angle) are noticing paranormal activity during the night. A pretty straight-forward back story of the girl having a history of haunting, and the psychic coming in to explain the difference between a ghost and a demon (thanks doc) builds tension over the course of about two weeks . The style is done as an almost exact replica of the Blair Witch Project only they are in a house instead of the woods. The characters are pretending to be authentic, and to make my movie going experience even better, upon conclusion, the girl behind me asks out loud "was that for real?" The answer to that is an obvious and resounding "no".

This film, along with Blair Witch and Cloverfield follows the pseudo-reality format, only the characters do not follow what a normal, real person would do in this situation. If there was creepy stuff going on in your house, to quote Eddie Murphy, you should "get out". Additionally, I would probably use lights as a demon deterrent and/or close the bedroom door maybe. I don't know, if the psychic said don't communicate or provoke, I might listen to him as well.

What works about this film is the ambitious semi-realism and the female lead, although she does resemble Pam from the Office just a little too much to take seriously. What doesn't work is how idiotic the male lead is. And that they don't take any discernible action to resolve their plight.

I went into this film with high hopes because of the hype and public response, but I was let down. There were certainly moments of heart-pounding tension, and it was the anticipation of something happening that made the film intriguing and scary. Frightening? No. Disturbing? A little. Watching things happen to people while they sleep is a fear that everyone can relate to. Helplessness and ignorance are scary concepts to deal with. However, if you leave the bedroom door open, you are kind of asking for it.

I liked this movie at times, but I couldn't get on board with half of the cast at all. The fact that they stayed in the house and continued their quest to figure out and solve these phenomena proved that they were not so hapless victims. 5/10.

The Informant!

Steven Soderbergh's latest film carries many of the same nuances that have put him in a class of his own in the decade since giving us the underrated Out of Sight. There is the familiar Section Eight production team headed by close friend George Clooney, and Matt Damon in the type of lead role that we haven't seen from him to this extent before. The hip, anti-establishment visual swagger is evident in the overdone yet subtle costumes, the ridiculously inappropriate musical accompaniment and the witty dialogue that paints a beautiful picture of bizarro corporate 90's Midwest life.

The Informant! is a lighthearted film that takes a massive corporate scandal and makes it seem almost secondary to the delusional egocentric behavior of biochemist VP of a corn company; Mark Whitacre, played by Damon. Damon drives the film's attitude with an extra 30 pounds, a perfectly meager mustache and a toupee to top it off.

The film works mostly because it doesn't take itself too seriously. It's like Erin Brockovich (also Soderbergh) or a Civil Action, but with a little bit of Coen Brothers style of speed and humor. The supporting cast is great - a handful of comedians fit the roles of FBI agents, corporate executives and attorneys with straight faces, allowing the absurdity of the story to take the brunt of comic relief. Mostly however, it is Damon who shines as an exponentially spiraling amount of trouble befalls a doofus with a legitimate mental illness.

This is one of the first great films of Oscar season, and Damon will almost certainly get his second Best Actor nomination to go with the Best Picture nod. Soderbergh bounces back to life as an A-list director in his first work of art since Traffic. The past few years have been spent cultivating his relationships with Damon, Clooney and Pitt with vehicles that look like about as much fun as a director can have, but he's back on track with some quality work now.

I would recommend this film strictly for its wit and timely sardonic depiction of the vice presidents and general asinine culture of modern day corporate America. Damon is fantastic as well. 8/10.